Caution! Hot Beverage!

coffeeI remember the first time I had a coffee in Canada and out of curiosity I read the label on the coffee cup: Caution! Hot beverage! I laughed. I laughed so hard but then I got mad. Were they making fun at my intelligence? Of course a coffee is hot unless you ask for an ice coffee. Ice coffees are cold, as cold as ice, and hence ice coffee… right? Where I came from, you spilt your (hot) coffee and burnt your hands, the maximum you would have got was a “Well done, dumb ass! Let me patch you up now!” In other words, the ownership for the mishap was on “yours truly” as opposed to the person making the hot coffee with hot water as per the recipe.
Years later, I read an article in which the writer was criticizing the placement of the warning on the cups as well as the size of the letters. Right… so, there are people that ask for coffee without realizing that you need hot water to brew it and in the 2 minutes between you putting in the order and the coffee resting comfortably in your hand there is no time to bring that hot coffee to a more comfortable temperature: not too hot to burn you but not too cold to impede on your pleasure of sipping out a hot coffee … I was left speechless and it does not happen too often.
Years have passed and although I am still smiling when I read the label, it has become routine and I have become accustomed with its ridiculousness as much as I understand all the legal reasoning behind it.
Nowadays as I occasionally need to amuse myself, I read labels, directions of usage and any instructions or product warnings.
I have considerably enriched my knowledge with extremely useful information. For example now I know that a curling iron is “For external use only” but uncertain if it refers to a cold iron or a hot one. I mean, the warning is a bit confusing here. I found out that I should not use my hair dryer while sleeping and cannot feed  the shampoo for dogs to the fish. Interesting, eh?
I was a bit disappointed when I read in the microwave manual “Do not use for drying pets.” I was hoping I did not have to use my hair dryer on Roscoe, my adorable Jack Russell. My disappointment gave way to pure joy when I found out the Christmas lights I just bought were “For indoor or outdoor use only”. What a relief!
Last year I decided to give Midol a try. I was having a bit of a tough time and I could use any help I could think of. Well, lucky me, I had no other health concerns as the warning on the box was quite clear: “Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems.” But it made me feel sad thinking that some women out there have to put up with both, their prostate and their menstrual cycle.
Nothing that a bag of pop corn cannot solve! First, according to the instructions, we need to remove the plastic wrapper! NOOO! We’ll try some peanuts instead but, oh my God, “Warning: they might contain nuts!”…
Better wash my hands with a towelette… “Cleans and refreshes without soap or water. Contains: Water, fragrance & soap.”


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